relationships

DISCOMFORT IN TIMES OF CLIMAX + TRANSITION

 
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A painful break up. Job Loss. An affair. Divorce. Serious health condition. Amazing new relationship. Spiritual awakening. Job of your dreams.

Crisis is happening to you at a rate you cannot control - what do you do? Rush to fix? Do you start numbing (booze, porn, people, entertainment) and avoiding the uncomfortable sensation? Or, do you stop to listen to what you need to accept?

Goodness is coming in to your life at an intensity you’re not used to - what do you do? Do you embrace how it feels? Or, do you self-sabotage because you have a story you are undeserving?

I notice a pattern — when we start to look at the really uncomfortable (and transformation) shit that gets revealed in coaching (or other healing work), many of you want to LEAP and find a solution STRAIGHT AWAY.

You struggle to be with the new awareness that the situation is revealing to you.

You jump to a solution to avoid feeling what is there.

The problem is that if you don’t stop to accept what is happening, you will likely spend your life in crisis / fix the crisis / repeat the crisis.

You likely have low-self-esteem and think you deserve all the crisis that keeps happening.

Or, when good stuff happens you can’t be with it because you don’t feel deserving of it. You are stuck in a loop.

Without acceptance of yourself and what is happening, it is very challenging to take “effective” action that is not reactive or externally seeking.

The person, health condition or situation will change and you will keep feeling the same: worthless, undeserving, incapable of changing the trajectory of your life and how your relationships feel.

Action without self-acceptance often will make you feel worse because the action is not aligned with what you truly want. If you are to take “reactive action”, even if you “win”, you are still swimming in self-doubt that you’ve made a mistake so you can’t even feel good about it.

Think about the cycle many of us go through in romantic relationships. You don’t feel deserving of love, or a caring partner and you unconsciously self-sabotage when you meet one. This situation fucks with your story that you are not lovable or deserving of love. You blame them for not being good enough or turn it back on yourself - I am not deserving. You don’t commit and you become avoidant, pushing the person away and shutting down your heart.

Do you feel better when you end the relationship? Or does it feel generative to spend a lot of time “FIXING” yourself / or worse trying to FIX your partner while you’re still in the relationship? Often not, you are reacting to a sabotaging pattern that could really do with some ACCEPTANCE. From you.

Often in life we get the wake up calls we most need at the MOST inconvenient times (trust me, I really know this one well). Rather than be QUICK TO FIX, are you willing to take a pause and expand you capacity to feel the full spectrum of emotions life is throwing tat you? Have you noticed that the same patterns emerge even when you switch partners?

Why? Because the pattern and behaviour associated with that lives in YOU, and not the other person, or the shitty boss, or the amazing new opportunity that’s landed on your doorstep.

There is a LOT of BEAUTY when you jump off the crisis wagon. Or the, I NEED TO WORK HARDER to be deserving of this goodness.

Life is best lived at the most resonant frequency: when you stop resisting, avoiding and numbing you get present with what is. You build your capacity to greatly FEEL both pleasure and pain. This is VERY helpful in staying conscious (aka AWARE) while you navigate the highs and lows that pepper our lives.

The BEST gift I can give to my coaching clients is to invite them to slow down and learn to accept themselves. It takes time. No amount of money or external validation, or hot new fella, or clean bill of health can cover up the serene feeling of accepting you, being with your current reality and feeling the rawness of your emotions.

Sometimes I laugh, because often you get hit with a couple of crisis occurring at once. If you choose to work on accepting it, I actually love meeting YOU when you are at this stage of the process because you are surrendered, humble and alive. You are the most supple and ready to do the work knowing that perhaps, you are the leading agent of your life.

You are tired of your own bullshit and I call it getting on your knees for your life.

If you’re ready to go SLOW accepting the hardest to love (IN YOUR OPINION) parts of you, I’m ready to have a conversation with you AND I about coaching together. If this is for you, you will know.

Launching a new Coaching Programme for Men

*COACHING FOR MEN*

Men.

I want to work with you.

Are you ready to dive deep into personal transformation work?

After months of creating, and refining and researching, I am launching my new Men's Coaching Programme. This is what it involves:

* I help you to open up to feeling and healing your emotions, which can often be stuck. 
* I support you to create deeper and more fulfilling relationships with women and men. 
* Rather than hack intimate relationships, I encourage you to go deeper and do the crucial inner work that allows you to transform how you relate to your purpose, emotions and power, whilst having the deep love and relationship you want. 
* I support you to take responsibility, show up and be present to your brothers, understanding that men supporting men is crucial - both in your professional and personal lives. 
* Working with me, you’ll learn how to attune to the complex ways that women communicate and how to support her to being a woman in her power. 
* You’ll ignite your sex life and clean up old relationships patterns that are keeping you unfulfilled. 
* You’ll learn that the freedom that you seek is on the other side of the deep work, and numbing comes at a cost.

If you are ready to completely change the way you experience your relationships and be met with unwavering love and understanding, send me an email at olivia@fireupyourdesire.com and we will schedule a call.

Know someone that would benefit from this coaching programme with me? Send them my way or share this post.

#modernmanhood #menscoach #masculinity #relationshipcoach

Does the Truth win in your Relationship?

“If you tend to censor your truth to be nice, think about this: By controlling how you’re perceived by others, nobody really knows you. You start to believe that somethings wrong with you. You have to hide it when you feel stuff that doesn’t jive with your nice persona. You also don’t truly know anyone else because you’re only experiencing their response to your facade. It’s a lonely place to live.”

I just read this banging article @memali108 on vulnerability in relationships. It is right on the spot of where I am in my own relationship. We did a practice this week of telling each other all the things we’ve haven’t told each other one by one for five minutes. No processing. Just sharing. It was excruciating and liberating. There was a rich feeling of intimacy on the other side and we felt so close. I had this fear that if I really spoke the truth it would break him, hurt him, he would judge me, I would loose control or cause Unrepairable harm. A long list of reasonable fears which did not turn out to be true.

My dream is to be my true, wild, unfiltered self in any relationship I am in and be responded to there, regardless who it is with. He told he is not made of fragile glass and is ready for the intensity that the truth brings. I commit to dropping the good girl persona and bringing out the wild wolf inside.

My experience so far is that then everyone wins. Do you feel like you’re hiding in your relationship? What would it take for you to admit how you really feel?

 #womenwhorunwithwolves #desirecoach#eroticintelligence #relationshipdesign #expertintraining #london #truth#vulnerability