A painful break up. Job Loss. An affair. Divorce. Serious health condition. Amazing new relationship. Spiritual awakening. Job of your dreams.
Crisis is happening to you at a rate you cannot control - what do you do? Rush to fix? Do you start numbing (booze, porn, people, entertainment) and avoiding the uncomfortable sensation? Or, do you stop to listen to what you need to accept?
Goodness is coming in to your life at an intensity you’re not used to - what do you do? Do you embrace how it feels? Or, do you self-sabotage because you have a story you are undeserving?
I notice a pattern — when we start to look at the really uncomfortable (and transformation) shit that gets revealed in coaching (or other healing work), many of you want to LEAP and find a solution STRAIGHT AWAY.
You struggle to be with the new awareness that the situation is revealing to you.
You jump to a solution to avoid feeling what is there.
The problem is that if you don’t stop to accept what is happening, you will likely spend your life in crisis / fix the crisis / repeat the crisis.
You likely have low-self-esteem and think you deserve all the crisis that keeps happening.
Or, when good stuff happens you can’t be with it because you don’t feel deserving of it. You are stuck in a loop.
Without acceptance of yourself and what is happening, it is very challenging to take “effective” action that is not reactive or externally seeking.
The person, health condition or situation will change and you will keep feeling the same: worthless, undeserving, incapable of changing the trajectory of your life and how your relationships feel.
Action without self-acceptance often will make you feel worse because the action is not aligned with what you truly want. If you are to take “reactive action”, even if you “win”, you are still swimming in self-doubt that you’ve made a mistake so you can’t even feel good about it.
Think about the cycle many of us go through in romantic relationships. You don’t feel deserving of love, or a caring partner and you unconsciously self-sabotage when you meet one. This situation fucks with your story that you are not lovable or deserving of love. You blame them for not being good enough or turn it back on yourself - I am not deserving. You don’t commit and you become avoidant, pushing the person away and shutting down your heart.
Do you feel better when you end the relationship? Or does it feel generative to spend a lot of time “FIXING” yourself / or worse trying to FIX your partner while you’re still in the relationship? Often not, you are reacting to a sabotaging pattern that could really do with some ACCEPTANCE. From you.
Often in life we get the wake up calls we most need at the MOST inconvenient times (trust me, I really know this one well). Rather than be QUICK TO FIX, are you willing to take a pause and expand you capacity to feel the full spectrum of emotions life is throwing tat you? Have you noticed that the same patterns emerge even when you switch partners?
Why? Because the pattern and behaviour associated with that lives in YOU, and not the other person, or the shitty boss, or the amazing new opportunity that’s landed on your doorstep.
There is a LOT of BEAUTY when you jump off the crisis wagon. Or the, I NEED TO WORK HARDER to be deserving of this goodness.
Life is best lived at the most resonant frequency: when you stop resisting, avoiding and numbing you get present with what is. You build your capacity to greatly FEEL both pleasure and pain. This is VERY helpful in staying conscious (aka AWARE) while you navigate the highs and lows that pepper our lives.
The BEST gift I can give to my coaching clients is to invite them to slow down and learn to accept themselves. It takes time. No amount of money or external validation, or hot new fella, or clean bill of health can cover up the serene feeling of accepting you, being with your current reality and feeling the rawness of your emotions.
Sometimes I laugh, because often you get hit with a couple of crisis occurring at once. If you choose to work on accepting it, I actually love meeting YOU when you are at this stage of the process because you are surrendered, humble and alive. You are the most supple and ready to do the work knowing that perhaps, you are the leading agent of your life.
You are tired of your own bullshit and I call it getting on your knees for your life.
If you’re ready to go SLOW accepting the hardest to love (IN YOUR OPINION) parts of you, I’m ready to have a conversation with you AND I about coaching together. If this is for you, you will know.