"You have already won if you have tried"

I was having a conversation last night about what it takes to post online about so-called taboo subjects. In the last week I have seen more people than I usually see in a month as I said goodbye to the people I love in London. Seeing so many more people has given me a better temperature reading of how people see and understand my current endeavour to educate on intimacy, sex and modern relating.

I have had a few different flavours of feedback:

“It is disgusting to talk about sex on the internet. We cringe watching you.”
“Please don’t stop, you’re the only person I know doing this.” 
“Thank God you’re willing but don’t you worry what people will think of you?” 
“You must be so confident to be able to talk so freely about that stuff.”
“I love what you’re doing and it really helps me to remember there is a world where I could have what I want.”
“Fuck yeah girl, you’re killing it.”

The honest truth is most of the time, I have self-doubt, anxiety EVERY SINGLE DAY and the list goes on about sharing online. I do the work to manage that and keep refining what’s truly important. I have got to a stage where I care much more about the mission than what people think.

To me, the whole point is to address the suffering, shame, silence that currently exists in the way we are doing sex and relationships. I want to TALK ABOUT IT and give you the permission to talk about your experiences so we can all make steps towards something different.

We’re in the middle of a revolution inside of the sexual and relating arena and we’re COLLECTIVELY rewriting the rules of what I see is a very old game.

Intimate relationships — most people are either in one or desiring to be in one. We want partnership. We love partnership. We have a lot to learn about how to do partnership in a healthy, loving and honest way. There’s nothing wrong with that…we weren’t really taught it and neither were the people that raised us.

Sex — the single reason most of us are on this planet is because two people had it. Sex, so delicious with infinite potential for pleasure and in some cases…what leads to the creation of a small human. It doesn’t matter whether you’re married, recovering from trauma, exploring your intimate life for the first time, interested in the same sex, a long-term singleton or enjoying a casual stable of lovers… it is VULNERABLE to find out what it is you want and make a stand for it.

❤️ Being vulnerable inside of intimacy can be unbelievably uncomfortable and most people mistake this for something being wrong with them, or the person they are with etc. ❤️

The truth is I believe we need support, A LOT OF SUPPORT. I want you to know that it is a unique journey that each of us has to navigate. What doesn’t help is the doors being closed on this conversation, the fingers being pointed, men being blamed and women being shamed.

Sex education taught us the birds and the bees aka - how to put a condom on a banana, how to be terrified of getting pregnant and STI’s and the most shameful of all…a woman on her period. The subtle message is that men are predators and women don’t like sex. Sounds like bullshit to me.

We were rarely taught anything about the emotions involved in sex, gender fluidity, pleasure or having a healthy relationship with your desire and your sexual appetite. Nothing about the conditions put on us at birth or how to deal with rejection or god-forbid, being attracted to someone else while you’re in a relationship. All very very normal things many of us face.

So here I am in, making a stand for you to have pleasure be a priority in your life. Sex and intimate connection is beautiful and it has the ability to truly nourish you. So does healthy relating, healing, exploration, play and honest communication. If any of those things are what you want, I believe that you deserve it.

I am already winning because I am trying and I want you to win to.