Stop trading your sanity for a nice life
The anxiety is rife. The obsession is rampant. The frustration is daily. Yet, you keep choosing to stay.
When it comes to our relationships, I have seen you put up with an unbelievable amount of pain, boredom and resentment in favour of a nice life.
It is usually nice things / experiences, a version of warped “love" and social status that are the hardest to let go of.
You are choosing what looks good rather than what feels truly feels good and nourishes your soul.
From my lens, you are trading your sanity for a nice life. It’s an addictive pattern that can be hard to own.
Over the last three years, I got real with myself with what I truly value in my relationships. Accepting inconsistent attention, scraps of “love", drama and numbing with nice things paid for by money was my relationship inheritance.
Someone along the way I learned that this is all I deserved as a woman and believed this was the only way.
Before you start feeling sorry for me as a second-class citizen, lets be honest about a few things:
I LOVED the drama of fixing men (I get to feel superior).
I LOVED complaining about their shitty behaviour and lacklustre attention without giving feedback (I get to feel inferior, powerless and less than).
I LOVED obsessing over what they said (I love to control).
I LOVED accepting “nice things” as an apology for treating me poorly (I love a short-term power-fix).
I LOVED being being outraged when it wasn’t what I liked (I love to put the responsibility of my desire in the hands of others).
This is co-dependency and trying to control another human beings experience and calling that love.
It was not easy for me to break out of this pattern. It took a lot of awareness and humility to say, wow, I play dirty in relationships and it does not get me the high-quality partnership that I want.
It can be fun and intoxicating to choose those cycles over and over again, but really, that will not build you the relationship you say you want.
It is a LOT easier to blame someone else on why things feel sub-par versus turning towards what you and what you believe you are worth.
Relational wealth is being with a partner that is invested in themselves, you and your relationship. It is feeling sane on a regular basis and naming when something is NOT ok for you.
It is staying emotionally sound even when they are in a bad mood. It is choosing to love regardless of how they show up and being honest when you don’t want to invest anymore.
It is saying, I am a priority, my needs and desires are THIS and it is my responsibility to not take on your shit (even someone you love dearly).
You know what starts to shift? You start to learn that self-responsibility and intimacy based on truth is a lot sexier than projecting your unattended to resentments + expectations on to someone else.
You get to actually open to what you truly want.